Attempting to control your external environment to change the way you feel inside. Acceptance that everything isn’t going to turn out exactly as planned. Accept whatever it is that you personally need to accept, whether it be that your family is not going to be supportive or loving, that your spouse isn’t going to say exactly everything you need them to say, that you need to stop doing whatever self sabotaging behavior that you need to do. Take control of your life. Don’t complain about something that you can change and choose not to. Ask yourself the hard question. Have you not changed something in your life because it allows you to play the victim role?
Complaining brings attention to you that you may not want.
Does having something to complain about get you the attention you want, the attention you think you need? Think about the possibility that your discussions turn from being the victim to the victor of your own life. YES that horrible thing happened to me, but look it made me stronger. I refuse to give the person in my past power because that is giving them control in the today, let go of the past. It serves a purpose, to learn from it, then let go of it. Don’t carry the weight of yesterday and let it suck the life out of your today.
Not everything goes as planned
My point is that people are going to lie to you, take advantage of you, they’ll be mean, cruel, possibly the unimaginable, but no one on the face of this earth gets a pass to “avoid all and any hard difficult times.” When you start to complain that you’re dreading the laundry, thank God that you have clothes to wash. It is turning your thoughts into gratitude, positivity, and self-awareness. It is harder to do than you may imagine, and it is a practice, daily practice, b/c it is a slippery slope to fall back into old patterns when things aren’t going your way.
Acceptance is essential. Life doesn’t look they way we imagined it when we were children. Being an adult is not as glamorous as we thought it would be is it? Life doesn’t hand you the perfect high paying job that you love, the perfect loving spouse, the 3 wonderfully behaved overachieving children that tell you what a great mother you are, friends that are always supporting, and parents that turn into the perfect grandparents. Life owes us nothing, we have to fight for it. If we get the things that we dreamed of, we have to put the effort into keeping them. The grass is greener is an epidemic, and that epidemic is amplified by social media (another post for another day). Water your grass, tend your garden, and keep the weeds out, take care of what you have. If you do not have what you want yet, don’t stop fighting for it.
Social media do the problems outweigh the benefits?
Start with one thing. For instance here is an example, looking at social media makes you feel sad if you’re honest with yourself. Do not do that to yourself. Stop doing things that make you sad, stop! When you pick up your phone for a long poor me, I am still single session, choose to pick up that book that you know is going to make you feel better.
Self sabotaging behavior and a few things to do instead:
1. Call a friend: You know that you would love to hear about what is going on with her. You also might want to complain to her because that sometimes feels like it is doing something. Try this instead, ASK HER about her life and say positive things. Try to avoid one negative comment. If she has something going on with her life that isn’t enjoyable, encourage her to stay positive. You could do the opposite and go down the rabbit hole with her and make it a full out our life is awful poor us session, or you can help her think of the positives too. It is hard trust me I know. What if you were the change, it will make you feel better and it is the start to turning your life in a positive direction.
2. Go for a walk or to the gym: Working out or getting out of the house never sounds fun at first, but once you get into a routine of doing anything for yourself it feels good. Chose to do things that feel good for you.
3. Start reading that book your friend recommended. 9 times out of 10 when a friend recommends a book it is because they know you’ll enjoy it. There is not scientific data on my 9x out of 10 comment, but I don’t think people recommend books you’ll hate.
4. Ask your kids about their day and take them to do something out of character for you. Surprise them. When are kids are happy, it makes us happy.
5. Take a bath or do something relaxing. Just don’t do it while scrolling through social media posts and with a 1/2 gallon of ice cream. Afterwards you’ll feel worse.
6. Meditate: Crazy idea for someone who has never tried it. Once you try it, you’ll enjoy the time you take and start becoming more aware of your thoughts. I personally say to myself while I meditate, “positive,” when I breathe in and “negative,” when I take a breath out. It takes time, but is so worth it when you get the hang of it.
7. Stretch: I never realized how much stretching can help me relax. Muscle tension never heals itself just like life.
Are you ready to change the way you think about your health?
If you haven’t watched the documentary Heal yet by Director Kelly Noonan. This is the best documentary you will ever watch. Share it with everyone you know, love, and care about, share it with everyone. Click Here to watch Heal and be ready to change the way you think about everything.